So the whole purpose of traveling to Eldoret was for B1's engagement to his girlfriend. The tradition in most tribes in Kenya is that when a couple intend to get married eventually, they first get betrothed but through an arrangement between the families first. The idea behind it is that if the bride has a problem with the groom and vice versa, they'll have the support of their in-laws and could go to them for help. B1 and bride are both from the same tribe (different dialect) but the customs and traditions were similar. The groom traditionally comes with members of his family and a negotiator to meet with representatives of her family and their negotiator and her relatives. The tradition dictates members of the family sit down to discuss the dowry and they haggle back and forth, (not unlike bargaining over meat but the significance being a daughter is being taken away from the home, what is she worth you taking her away.)
So Saturday found as smartly dressed, my original crew was now joined by and aunt and uncle and cousin from the city. We were to meet up with my father and he was coming with a convoy from our traditional home with relatives and close family friends who'd known the "boy" (B1) since he was a kid and they could vouch for him.
As is with my tribe, they were late, very late. We were supposed to meet up at 11 and at 12.30 whatever breakfast I had, had long disappeared and my tummy was rumbling. Finally we left and upon asking, I was told she lived about 15 miles away from the town. LIES! Never ask a Kalenjin how far something is because they'll always say, "Ni hapa hapa tu!" It's just here.... here being relative. Mind you, we're runners so "just here" is usually an underestimation of about 10 miles. So naturally 30 miles later we found ourselves at the turnoff to her home. The ceremony was being performed at her older brother's place as her parents are quite old and so he was elected the representative. Had it been done at her place, we would have been there and back in less than two hours for her mother (a third wife) lived closer to the city.
So we get off the tarmac road and instantly on a dirt track. And this is the red soil kinda track. It hadn't rained in a while so I sat there in the back seat choking on dust from the three cars ahead of us and filling sorry for the eight cars behind us. Once again, I was told that the house from the main road was just a few kilometers. LIARS! It was another half-hour of winding dirt track, through gorgeous land I must add. I was so giggly when I saw a lamb running toward its mother to immediately drop to its knees and start suckling without saying hello. Lol, was so cute and I kept saying "Moo Cows!" ( a Woo thing) and once again, I was the butt of a lot of jokes in my car. Anyway, we choke on for a while and finally the lead car stopped dead in the middle of the road. Then he started to make what I thought was a U-turn but oh no, he was turning left up an impossible angle to a grass driveway completely camouflaged by tall hedges that came out of nowhere. Imagine you’re making a turn inside a 25-degree angle.
We pull in, wait for all the vehicles to park. I got to see many relatives whom I hadn’t seen in a long while and they were equally as happy. I then started to walk through the gate but my step-ma stopped me and told me that we had to be called by her family. So we chatted for a bit, my father was still staring at me strangely because for once I was wearing a skirt, albeit with stiletto boots. They were cute damn it!
Finally, we were summoned and so we trooped in. There were about thirty of us in total, not unusual for this occasion. We were led to the end of the garden of a really pretty house that’s well hidden from the main road. They had placed chairs facing the house and we were invited to sit down. So we did, still talking quietly. I asked why no one had come to greet us and I was told they were surveying us from the house, seeing first of all whether we were really worth talking to. After an HOUR, someone came out and told informed us they wanted twelve representatives from the family. Naturally father went, the groom to be, brother, various uncles and two aunts at least. They went in, we sat outside, still a nice day so far. We talked some more, I inquired as to what they would demand as far as bride price. It varies with most tribes, some especially the Maasai require a large amount of cattle as their wealth is measured by the number of cows they have, followed by children….don’t ask. Ok, do but I’ll explain later. A friend of ours from another tribe said all they wanted were five goats, and one was roasted that day. Lol, Bf and Bw were telling me about their Luhyia traditions. He had to go twice to her compound, before they entertained him and even then they gave him a hard time. Lol, his friend had to go get her from her parents house after the ceremony had ended and after shelling out Kshs. 50,000 (about $650), they still wouldn’t release her so he threw them his Visa card and begged them to come so he could take her to her new home. The traditions vary between tribes but they are more along the same lines of the groom’s family and friends having to cajole her out of the house with cash, cattle etc.
So we sat there for about 20 minutes and one of my uncle’s came out of the house and called Bf, two other family friends and yours truly. I shook my head and was told to go. I was going to get checked out because they wanted to see that there were other girls in the house and also if maybe they had a boy on their side I could be paired up with. Lol, lol. This is all purely cosmetic but the tradition is important. So off I went into the house, quite large actually. We were let to the living room where there were now about 40 people from both sides present. The negotiation was done primarily in Kalenjin but you could get the gist of it. A cousin was translating for me silently. Her family wanted 5 cows and 20 sheep. Our negotiator thought that was too much so instead they settled on 3 cows and two bulls (which to me sounded way more than 20 sheep because quality studs are hard to find….pretty much the same in life, huh girls?)
They argued and haggled and finally settled down on the cattle and a cash payment of Kshs. 5000 (about $65). Then the negotiator on their side asked where we’d come from and we told them what home village and incredibly he gave back 1000 shillings "…ya mafuta." "For gas to get back home." LOL, I couldn’t believe it. But then I understood that, that was only part of it. We now had to bring "gifts". Blankets for her father, the negotiator and especially for her mother. There was also the extra money given to the negotiator for bargaining quite reasonably. Oh yeah, technically my brother should have been "fined" because he and the girl already have a child, so he owes her family as technically, she’s still under their roof and his child was an extra mouth to feed. Lol, but they didn’t. Now with B2, his girlfriend is from another tribe and there is a hefty fine to pay for his son. Lol, that should be interesting. Her folks are quite traditional, such that my step ma had to shave the infants head within a month of his birth as that is the custom in B2’s girlfriend’s tribe.
After all the negotiations were done, they brought out fresh cow’s milk and a traditional milk called Mursik which is milk that is curdled in a gourd that’s scrubbed with charcoal. It ferments over some days and then is served. It really is quite good. My new in-law now served her father’s family first to show that she’d crossed over so the milk signified the deal by her showing respect to her family (the new one). By the way, throughout the ceremony my future in law would not look at me and when she caught my eye she would ignore me or look away blankly because technically she didn’t know me. It was after the deal was done that she acknowledged me. Lol, my brother kept complaining about the price but it was all in good fun.
We then went out and told the rest of the family that a deal had been struck and our side gained a daughter. They served us an incredibly delicious lunch; I had to find a spot to eat separately because I was starving and I don’t look good eating on an empty stomach….or so I’ve been told.
Urgh, have to continue this later, it’s getting dark, hafta get home. I’ll finish this tomorrow but enjoy for now.
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