Horrid blogger I've become. I've been so mad crazy busy lately and had a bit of drama in the past quarter that has stalled my blogging. What's happened so far?
Well, I have a new apartment. I had to move out of the previousl shithole because of a certain asswipe politician named Fred Gumo, an MP for Westlands. The link is a short article on his typical behavior but to address "Mr Gumo's low temperament and disdainful character" is a polite way of describing a buffoon. I moved into the shithole in May, paid one month's deposit and continued paying rent to a company called Real Ventures which is in turn owned by a brother to Kamlesh Pattni, an incredible mess of a human being. As I would find out rather brutally later, the property in question had been part of a legal tussle between the two gorillas and we, the tenants were caught up in it. Gumo showed up one Sunday morning (drunk from the night before) and said he was the new landlord and all payments should be made to him. This being the middle of the month, all the tenants were dumbfounded and tried to tell him that legal matters like this should be put in writing and that in fact Real should have notified us of the change of management. Apparently you don't argue with Ngumu kama Gumo (Hard Like Gumo) because he would not hear of it. So we called Real, they said the property was indeed being disputed and that we shouldn't make any payments. In one week, we witnessed a literal changing of the security guards four times. First, there were Armed Cops...nothing like saying hello to the guy at the gate who has a lazily dangled AK47 across his lap pointing at you. Then the following day, it's a security company with harmless guys who don't even remember you when you come home, ensuring a grilling about your identity....urgh!
Rather wisely, I gave notice with my October rent payment. The idea was that I would live out November on my one month's deposit. All well and dandy until it started raining from the 1st of November daily until the end of the month. Now, I had a whole other level above my block and YET it still leaked, and quite badly. I had buckets in my bedroom to follow a dripping line of leaking drops. Then the boiler closet began to shower such that hot showers were out of the question. If I was desperate, I would don rubber gloves, wear two pairs of rubber flipflops and take the broom handle to switch it on and off. The agent I dealt with at Real at the time was co-operative except for the Indian woman who's running things there. Lady, I hope you get to read this blog sometime (but I doubt your literacy levels) because your customer service skills are lacking. Anyway, I found out things were getting thick. Gumo would show up when most people were at work, leave no written declarations of change of management, contact address etc. and belligerently stake his claim on the property all the while threatening the tenants.
Well, I ended up finding a gorgeous tiny flat and spent an incredible amount of money in the span of two days to secure it. I was supposed to move out of my current flat on 1st December but a week prior, just when I got home from work, Gumo had his thugs (unemployed Kenyan men with big rungus) show up and kick out the Real Security team from the property. He then came later that evening, drunk as a skunk (I got high standing near the man...at 7 p.m.) and proceeded to berate, abuse and threaten the tenants for non-payment for the past 3 months. I broached, very politely (uncharacteristic of me) the fact that we had not received any written communication from him and no office or phone was stated as to where payments were to be made. "You know who I am! You can find me young lady!" he slurred on while lurching in the general direction of my voice. I stayed quiet the rest of the time as there were just five of us out of eleven tenants present and twenty plus idle armed youth surrounding him. The man was not to be disuaded. We argued that we had no legal notification and that we were in fact pawns in this whole debacle but he would hear none of it. "I don't care! I want my money!" he rallied, spurred by the gruntings of the ignorant thugs behind him.
Two days before I moved out, I got a knock on my door and there was Gumo's thug er P.A, a shifty looking character by the name of Obed stating that I was to move out the following day or pay rent for December. I did all sorts of pleading stating that I was moving out in two days, well before the deadline and my new place wasn't ready yet but nooooooooooo. No such thing and on top of that, they wanted the rent for November if I was indeed moving out. Remember that I was living out my month's deposit thru Real, Gumo wanted his cut and it was not a small chunk of change considering what I had already spent on the new place. I lawyered up and my wonderful Nairobi attorney spent two minutes with Grossbed and said, "Move out, these guys are thugs." So the next day, had B1 show up, packed up my stuff and paid the constituents of Westlands an obscene amount of money not to be a part of a corrupt and disugsting Neanderthal's side deals (which are done through his public office.) Seriously, the receipt I received states that his private office is run through his public office.
Now, for the good hearted tourist, donor, potential ex-pat to this country that wants to know whether corruption is an issue - it is. From top down. Apparently Gumo is so high up and belligerently combative that few put up a fight to his shennanigans. I tried and I paid, literally and emotionally. DO NOT DEAL with this man if you want to stay sane. As for Pattni, google Goldenberg before you go any further.
Yet another lesson in the unpleasantness that is a sad but increasingly majority of Kenya and its politics.
Bitter, no more. Have cute apartment, no politicians around and good clean landlord. Alas, no room for dog, but not to worry.
